I doubted it too, how could this be real?

I was skeptical too. I questioned everything about what I felt when I tried Reiki for the first time.

Well, wait, that’s not entirely true – let me rewind. I found my first energy healer after my son died 12 years ago.  I was broken and I was open to anything that might give me some peace and warm that ember of hope that I clutched so tightly as my universe shifted.

During my healing sessions I felt everything. It was natural and at the same time was completely illogical. I heard the Ki (chi) from my healer’s hands, I felt warmth and tingling, and I had visions that unfolded some of the deepest parts of my soul. It was amazing. It still is.

In my 30’s I wanted control. I had created a path in life where I simply expected to be able to manipulate outcomes by planning, and choosing and working hard. I overanalyzed nearly everything, it was almost a game. But when I left my sessions I was at peace with not knowing. It was liberating to simply trust the feelings and experience over anything that could be tested, analyzed or explained. It was a flash back to the way I used to see the world before corporate jobs, bills, and outside expectations.

It began to dawn on me that throughout my life I have been very in tune with my body and with energetic vibrations. For as long as I can remember, I have felt energy shifts from people, I have sensed connections and honed my intuition, I’ve known things within my own body that doctors have argued was impossible. When I was a young girl I stumbled upon this invisible force between my hands. I couldn’t sleep one night so I began tossing a little bouncy ball from hand to hand watching it closely and focusing on the air and dust particles in the space between. I dropped the ball but my hand was already following the rhythmic motion of the back and forth. In the instant between registering the ball had dropped and stopping my hand movements, I felt this resistance between my hands. It was like I held two opposing magnets.

At first, I was a little alarmed. I didn’t know what that feeling was but I wanted to feel it again. I began moving my hands in the same motions fast, then slow trying to find that sensation that my 8 year old mind had rationalized was “thick air”.

I remember very clearly looking around to be sure nobody saw me playing with empty air! I started to think “this is crazy, I look foolish!” And then I heard my inner voice very clearly say – even before the prior thought had finished crossing my mind, “you decide if you believe or not and then it is so…or not“.

In that moment, everything just made sense. It was OK to trust that I was experiencing something very real. It took some time and practice but I began to figure out how I could catch that energy again:

Focus.
Move slowly.
Relax and breathe.
Trust it’s there.
If distracted, close eyes.
Start with hands together.
Trust.

I would stretch and pull and feel the edges of this energy. And still I would frequently wonder if I’d made this all up in my mind only to try to find it again – and with focus I always did.

I was raised by amazing parents and a father who was often grounded in an evidence based view of the world.  I was trained to question everything, to dig for facts and to discard the questionable. But I also had this innate understanding that our energy, our souls and the human experience…it was all more than we could imagine. It all led to deep understanding sprinkled with intermittent questions.

Not long after meeting my energy healer I knew that I needed to pursue this work. I knew this was real and I had felt the healing it brings. During my Reiki training I felt the energy and I connected with people on a vibrational level. I got confirmation from clients and I felt it myself.

And even after all of it, I could fall back into that critical mind, questioning and doubting. Analyzing the sensations in my hands, the heat, the imagery. But every time doubt crept in, I would

Focus.
Move slowly.
Relax and breathe.
Trust it’s there.
If distracted, close eyes.
Start with hands together.
Trust.

And I’d be certain again.

When people ask me how energy healing works, when they cast doubt on a perceived lack of science-based studies, I ask them to lay on my table with an open mind and a grounded heart and experience it themselves.

You can choose to believe…or not. Science doesn’t need to discover something to make it real. Trust yourself, live in the moment, and be open to your experiences.

 

Did this resonate with you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

xo Jeanine 

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